To be honest…

Dahil gusto ko gawing written format ang rawest thoughts that I could write.

Nauso na naman sa Twitter yung TBH game na yan. You know, as a way to close this goodness-forsaken fucking year that is 2016. People want honesty. (Or compliments, you know, this year is just fucked up.)

Well, I played the game. Why the hell not?

Repeatedly, I’ve retweeted my TBH game tweet a couple of times. Aba, umaasa lang naman ako na makikita ni squish yun diba? Yes, squish, also known as “platonic crush”. (Okay, TIL, squish is a term for the asexual community.) [Source: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=squish]

Well, what about with this squish?

Duh, ang ganda niya, promise. I swear to freaking goodness. (Gagawa nga pala ako ng word about that. Hmmmmm.) It’s to the point that I am even close to cursing my friends if they rate her as less than 8. Like, you just can’t!!! (Am I romanticizing too much?)

Bakit ba tungkol sa kanya ‘to? Ugh, I didn’t even plan for it to be that way. Ka-stress.

So, sino ba siya? Of course, I would not mention her name. Baka agawan niyo ako. Hehehehe.


Ganito nalang, for the sake of this post, I’m just going to tell you about how I knew her.

Enter M. (Let’s just call her M, for this post)

M is Squish’s roommate. Akala ko noong una ay kapatid ni M si Squish. Naalala ko pa kasi noong nililike ni Squish yung mga tweets ko na mentioned si M. Wala naman akong pakialam sa kanya noon (well, I did check her account once or twice), since akala ko nga magkapatid sila.

And then one day, while a friend and I were trying to find a new dorm para sa kanya, nagpasama kami kay M (kasi tinatamad pa siya umuwi). So nag-ikot kami all around campus and outside campus as well…

Sabi ko kay M na pumunta kami sa kanila, since well, she’s living in an apartment (that is pretty nice). She obliged, and there we were.

We entered, and there she was. Sitting sa bottom bunk ng isang double-deck na kama, plain clothes. I have a few macchabreé (attraction at first sight) moments in my life, and I think this was one of them pero wala naman akong pakialam. Nag-hi lang naman siya sa amin. I even joked to M na “Uy, ang ganda naman ng unit niyo, ako na yung pangalawang roommate mo ha?”

We haven’t seen each other since (like, months.)

Nakita ko lang ulit siya sa Twitter. Hindi ko alam kung bakit, pero biglang noong nakita ko siya, there’s rainbows, ganern. I followed her, she followed me back days later.

I enjoyed my vacation na ganun lang. Well, I haven’t seen her for months, I don’t even remember what her actual face looks like.

AND THEN NEXT SEMESTER HAPPENED.

Bigla kong nakita si Squish, a few weeks in the semester (when we, M, a friend, and I had already fixed our routine for the day). Gago, na-shookt ako. Like… HELP ME JUSME I KENNAT I’LL DIE OMG MY HEART

Doon nagsimula lahat. Sa laki ng campus, magkikita ba kami lagi? Well, we didn’t. To the point na binibilang ko yung instances na magkikita kami somewhere, I’ve lost count na the past few months, pero last count ko ata was 11?

Isa sa fave instances ko happened on a Saturday. It was noon, tirik ang araw, at pauwi na ako from a group meeting. Nakita ko ang ATEGURL nyong naglalakad papunta sa apartment nila, may dala pang readings! (Sipag naman….) Tapos yun, NAGSMILE SIYA SA AKIN TAPOS I DIED INSIDE SO PARANG DINAANAN KO LANG SIYA GANUN

Little did I know na kilala niya pala ako.. Kilala niya ako. Guys???!?!?!?!?!

Maraming beses na rin kami nagkita. It was still the same feeling.

“Sweaty palms, jelly legs, and a palpitating heart.”

Sinulat ko yan after one of our meetings, just outside a building where I have a class. As in nanlambot yung tuhod ko, feeling ko napilayan ako. To be honest, I kind of disliked it kapag nagkikita kami kasi laging by chance? Sa mga pagkikita namin ako naniwala sa serendipity. Kung hindi ba serendipity yun, ano bang tawag mo doon?


I knew from a friend na may isa siyang laging kinatatakutan. Lagi daw nagkakagusto sa kanya yung mga guy friends niya, to the point that she cannot keep a guy friend that would last with her. (To be honest, girl, ang ganda mo kasi eh. Not that I’m blaming you, pero… a guy would just probably be head over heels with you.)

Siguro yun yung gusto kong mangyari. I mean, I don’t romantically like the girl in the first place (Taken na isipan ko, sorry. Jk.). Ayoko siya syota-in, masyado kaming di talo. Sinabi din ni M na magka-personality sila, so she thinks that we would be good friends if given the chance.


Back to the TBH tweet, she liked the tweet, last night.

Hindi ko alam sasabihin ko, I even asked a friend kung anong sasabihin ko e. I failed her (my friend), sabi niya, masyado daw awkward yung “pag-amin” ko when I tweeted.

I added the tweet, even made it a thread, para lang masabi lahat. Feeling ko kulang pa, kaya here’s the rawest version of that TBH that could have been.

Hello po, to be honest, I can’t help but think that you are too beautiful for this world. When you walk, it’s like it is raining rainbows and unicorns and goodness behold. It might seem that I’m too shallow to think that, pasensya na at mata ang nakakakita. Oo, I am attracted to you on a superficial level (I think anyone would do.), pero that doesn’t mean that you are just a pretty face. As far as I know, you’re also intelligent (come on, we’re at the same university! Hehe.) and kind and all that. Marami nang nagsabi sa akin ng stories about you. I’m sorry kung ganoon, siguro I’m just curious about you so I asked a few friends.

I wish that we could be friends. Honestly. I’m not saying na I’ll be the greatest guy friend there ever is, pero iniisip ko kasi na for keeps ka as a friend, so why not try diba? I also hope that I see you soon. Pinapasaya mo araw ko, promise. 🙂

-fin-

NOTE: Ang landi ko dito, kainis.

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