I am not a fan of New Year’s Resolution, at all, but since technical writing has been slowly destroying my ability to write creatively, I decided to write at least a entry a week this year. Of course, I failed. Still, I wish I could say my thoughts more.
There are times that only loneliness is what I feel. It is not really because I am alone as of the moment, but rather, it is just the “lack” of a certain kind of communication. Or maybe someone’s touch. Or someone’s eyes. The longing is really inevitable, inescapable in fact. Being alone does not really equate to loneliness, yet deserted rooms and blank walls can trigger such thoughts. Maybe this is why I am writing this plea right now, should I even call this a plea? Or just a message that I would not really tell you.
I miss you. I miss your being. We are so good at being civil and all that, even beyond that. We have always have this undying spark, not romantically (I know how much you hate the thought of that, I know, I kind of dislike the thought now too), but to always work together in a glimpse, a blink of an eye, a jiffy (which is 1/100 of a second) is still a marvelous feeling to hold on to.
Are we perfect? No. A big big no. We are not in any way.
(I hate the fact that I am speaking as if I am telling you a love letter.)
You know that I like you, right? Like “like” like. I know that you know that, I may have told you so many times that you despise the word coming out of my mouth, making me shut up by preemptively shunning what I say, that I like you, I like you, I like you.
A very alien feeling it must be. Liking someone for a long span of time. The last time I have liked someone was years ago, and now it is you. I am trying to let go, believe me I do. Goodness, is this the start of the words I try to say yet did not because all I end up doing when we talk is look at your eyes and try to look at the answers to life and universe other than 42? (*laughs*) [That is a freaking nerd joke.]
Super stereotypical. My first post for the year is about you. Surprise, surprise.
I hope to talk to you soon, my housemate just entered the room.
[I wish I could take away your exhaustion, take away your gloom.]
(Waiting for the time, let us hope that we bloom.)